Family, Friends, and Work

Its never easy for me to confide my problems to you guys, but I find it difficult to open up to a family member or a friend since they know me so well. I find it so easy to open up to someone I barely know and I know exactly why. Its because I don’t want my family or friends to judge me. Its like after opening up to them all they’re going to talk to me about the next time we see each other is my problems.

My family and I have the same circle of friends both in and out of work. There’s nothing wrong with this picture. Completely normal and relatable. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always have a positive outcome.

Take my brother’s trip for example. He secretly went camping with one of our close friend (a woman, of course). When I said “secretly” I meant he didn’t tell any of his family and friends that he will be going out of town for a few days. So did she. But family members and friends (who couldn’t keep their abnormally large nose out of people’s business) snooped around and found out. Exchange of harsh words were said and feelings were hurt.  

I don’t want to start my life over and make new friends. I just wished people mind their own business more and kept their mouth shut.

Feeling

I hosted a house party last night and it was a commercial success. Even though it was crowded, I’ve never felt so alone and this type of shit scares me.
Good booze and good food won the hearts of my guests, but the main prize was the random conversations that each stranger made to one another. I probably met fifteen to twenty people last night and I’m pretty sure the coconut rum in my cup helped boost my self confidence.
To top it all of, I turned the TV on and hooked the Karaoke machine. Everyone went bananas!
Despite the positive vibe, I found myself in my dark room watching Netflix. I just shut down and let strangers come in and out of my house and go crazy. And this is just a party. What more if I’m in a relationship and feel this way? Its terrifying. I wonder if there’s anyone out there who’s with someone but at the same time feeling so alone and lonely.
Even though I felt some type of way, I bounced back and entertained my guests. The party ended late and the booze and food was finished and all I had was the karaoke machine and the awesome memory of my party.
I hate being alone. I hate the feeling of being alone even though I’m not. I wish this feeling never existed. I wish no one else is suffering from this.

Strip Club Fun

A good friend of mine celebrated her 29th birthday yesterday. A week ago, she decided to go to a strip club for the very first time. I was stoked! I’ve only been to a strip club once and because of the slight experience I have I felt obligated to take her under my wing and show her the slopes. She and I met up with a few friends and together, entered a whole new world. When we arrived, first we showed the bouncer our I.D. and were seated in front of a beautiful woman already dancing and of course, naked.

When I say, “beautiful” I mean BEAUTIFUL! She was tall, long black hair, petit, and flawless. She danced around her mini stage and twirled her slim body around the pole. After ordering our drinks, we cheered her on and dropped a few dollars on her feet. Slip a few dollars on her g string as well which was below her knee. Fifteen minutes later, another stripper stepped up to the stage to dance. As we learned, they rotate around the clock and when they’re not dancing, they take their place next to a gentleman and make small conversation.

Every stripper was beautiful in their own way. I followed one dancer with my eyes and observed her. She sat next to a man with a bottle of champagne on his table. He said something in her ear and as their cheeks touched each other, they eventually made out. The rest of the strippers were either working the stage or the crowd.

While mesmerized by the naked bodies around me, I found myself asking this question: besides the money that these women make on their own stage, do they also get paid by a payroll? If there’s no payroll, does that mean they only make whatever is thrown at them? Why do this line of work? Do they have children/husband or boyfriend waiting at home? I almost asked one of the strippers but thought that maybe they would get offended.

Every woman has a choice to do whatever the hell they wanna do for a living. I just wished they didn’t choose this type of work. Not because I think its degrading or dirty. Its because I think that every woman can do better.

Over all, we had a great time. The dancers were amazing and the atmosphere was all about good vibes and positive smiles.

Rock n Roll

How many friends do you have who sincerely listens to rock or alternative music? Most of my friends listens to hip hop and R&B among other genre of music. Rock n roll doesn’t even make the list. Mainly because when someone mentions rock n roll, all one thinks about is the loud, screaming voice of the lead singer banging his head in the air, letting his hair move about to the rhythm of the music. Since when was this wrong? I for one grew up in the 90’s and rock/alternative music was all my parents listened to among other slow, meaningful songs back in the day. It saddens me that my 5 year old nephew isn’t interested in the music I listen to. Okay, of course he’s not going to like it-he’s five! But what I’m trying to do is expose him to alternative music other than the rap music he’s been introduced to (thanks to his friends at school). Not all rock n roll songs are loud and screams. There’s definitely some love songs into it with meaningful messages. I understand and can appreciate that every generation is different, but there’s definitely nothing wrong with staying the same…or at least some things anyways.

Friends

Went out for a drink or two with friends after work last night. It was a fun, simple get together. Its good to spend time with the people you haven’t hung out with for awhile. Catching up with the latest gossip on our sex lives and on the people we used to know and laughing at their misery. Sounds horrible, but name a friend who hasn’t talked shit about someone. Thought so.

What I like about catching up with friends is the stories we share. Like my friend, Amanda. She told me that her boss yelled at her for forgetting a folder in the restaurant. Later that day she spit in his coffee and I’m not talking about a weak saliva. She spit phlegm! Then there’s George. He told me that he clogged up the toilet and let his 8 year old take the blame when his wife started asking questions.

Okay, it sounds like my friends are horrible, but that’s just part of our catching up. Usually after the laughter, the sad stories follows.

I guess that’s how it is with friends. You share the important, funny, sad part of your life. No sensors.

Thrift shopping..

I love thrift shopping! Unlike rich, Beverly hills kids they’ll probably say, “Eww!” But not me. There’s so many things you can find in the thrift store. A pair of boots that has its own story; a pair of worn out jeans obviously been through an adventure; someone’s vintage shirt or dress; a cabinet with drawers that has hidden many secrets. All for a cheaper price.

When I get to the thrift store, I see people collecting their own cart and stroll about. I like to walk in and blend in with the crowd. I like to carry the clothes I find interesting and let them hang onto my forearm without the hangers, of course.

Before checking out, I like to prepare my shopping bag because the store always gives you those huge see-through trash bags for you to show the world what you bought.

Thrift shopping is fun. You get to see generation upon generation of clothing and style. Its affordable and no one has to know where you got it from.

College Romance..

I am currently enrolled for the first six-week term for this summer and so far it has been a living hell. I’ve sacrificed my friends’ get-together parties only to drown myself in my never ending book pages. But my mother always say, “its all going to be worth it!” Well, is it? Because I’m missing so much this summer and all I wanna do is spend time with cool people and my family.

My Professor isn’t helping neither. Let me just say she’s a ten with a kid. She wears tight skirts and three inch high heels. All the guys in class always makes a drooling face whenever she enters the room.

I recently had a conversation with her last week about the final paper we are to write before the semester ends. She gave me some ideas how to write my outline and how to put my conclusion properly.

When she and I were talking, she was sitting in her chair, papers on the desk while I stood beside her. I was leaning down so I could hear her and see the notes she was writing down. She was talking and talking and then it happened. She reached for my hand, held my index finger and used it as a pointer. I was shocked. She looked up and caressed my hand. “You have soft hands.” She said to me with a playful smile. I just stared at her.

My mouth was dry and all of a sudden I lost my train of thought. I mean, who the hell wouldn’t? If I were a man, I would have gotten a boner-immediately! But as a woman, I needed some time to let it all sink in. Was she flirting with me? Honestly, I wasn’t offended. I’m flattered actually. To have someone as gorgeous as her to want someone like me.

The next day, she acted as if nothing has happened and I thought to myself maybe I was just imagining it or maybe it was just a dream. But no. It really happened. Because after class, she asked for my number and she gave me hers.

Its been two days since she gave me her number and honestly, I don’t have a fucking clue on what to do. She’s my professor for freaks sake! I’m so lost. Help.