What a relaxing afternoon. There’s nothing better than putting your feet up after a long day of work, a drink in your hand, and some music. I take a sip of my drink and lay my head back as the music starts to fade. I closed my eyes.
Earlier today, I was driving into the thrift store parking lot. It was packed and as I was entering, the woman who was backing out of the parking space turns her car towards me and yells, “wrong way! One way!” And I looked around and saw that it isn’t a one way, it’s a fucking parking lot! She pulled up her windows and drove away before I could get back at her. I was enraged. Upset of the fact that I let her get away with what just happened. It’s all I could do. Feel rage. It dented my day and every now and then throughout the afternoon I would let myself be reminded of what happened and then I’d feel rage again.
So I immersed myself with funny videos and eating documentaries. I browsed some more and a video showed up on my feed that caught my attention.
It was a video of a Caucasian man who’s in a wheelchair holding two crutches. I don’t really know what’s going on with his set up. Can he walk, hence the crutches? Or can’t he? Anyhow, in the video this man is telling the camera man to “shut the f up, talk f’ng English!”
Yes, another one of these assholes.
The man holding the camera calmly corrected him, “its speak English, not talk English.” Wheelchair man hit the camera man with one of his crutches as he continued saying, “I don’t give a f. Shut the f up!” The camera man then said, “I’m talking to my mom in her language and out of nowhere…” as this was going on I scroll down to the comments section and read even more hatred.
After watching this video I felt a great deal of relief for not lashing out earlier. Had I did it would only mean that I’m no better than this racist son of a bitch. There’s so many times that whenever I’m treated with hatred, or given an attitude, or whatever that makes me feel uncomfortable I tend to withdraw the same vibe and it makes me a monster. Then when I evaluate myself at night I feel ashamed for having acted that way.
I realized that people from other countries aren’t spreading the hate. It’s not politics, its not the media, it’s not business, it’s personal. The hate is within us. Yes, what we see on the internet is a contributing factor but that feeling? That urge to say something you’ll regret later? That’s not the internet. That’s you.
I opened my eyes and looked around me. My feet are still up, music still playing, but no drink. I had dropped it while I was drooling away.